Weekend at Tomoe's 2
by ChaosBurnFlame
Summary: Well, Whaddya Know? Tomoe's alive afterall! Problem is she's still cleaved in half and a strong shove can knock her top half off. And that's nothing compared to her spare parts problem! Now Complete with SPRINKLES of INSANITY!
1. Default Chapter

Weekend at Tomoe's 2  
  
Enishi finally found the man that would make his Jinchuu against the Battousai   
possible. An acquaintance of Gein, now known as Dr. Geinenstein, has been enlisted by   
Enishi to bring back his sister Tomoe from the grave. This strange dark priest entered   
the room wearing strange beads and crowfeet symbols on his strange, brightly colored   
garb. In a strange accept, he introducted himself as AhStin PohWa, and spoke much of   
using his magical mojo to bring Tomoe back from the dead. The strange priest's banter   
annoying him greatly, but he would do anything to bring his dear sister back. His   
psychiatrist told him that it was unhealthy to obsess so much for his dead, elder sister, but   
then of course that was before Enishi decapitated the dumb shrink. Killing the   
psychiatrist was, of course, Battousai's fault for giving him an 'Oedipus complex' as Dr.   
Fyord put it, whatever the hell that was. He never did explain it, spending most of his   
time asking Enishi to describe her and tell him about his mother. And as the time flew   
during the sessions, not to mention the money, all the not-so-dearly departed shrink   
would do was jot down notes! The money required was insane. He wasn't made out of   
battle ships, as everyone knew!  
  
At the moment, the mad Dr. Geinenstien was examining his poor sister's cleaved   
corpse, the mad doctor thankfully wearing his grim reaper getup. Enishi saw the old   
doctor out of costume and the image of the old, liverspotted freak forever scarred his   
memory, which was also Battousai's fault. 'Hmm', thought Enishi, 'seeing Geinenstein   
out of costume SHOULD go on the list' and with that, Enishi took out his list of   
grievances, and jotted line # 255 'Seeing Geinenstein out of costume'. Geinenstein's   
hunchbacked assistant I-goh was holding his dear sister's detached torso letting   
Geinenstein get a better look to see what would be needed. The priest was not needed   
yet, which was a good thing. The man annoyed the hell out of Enishi with all his talk of   
shagging and spending the majority of his off-time at pleasure quarters.  
  
"Excellent condition! This corpse is in excellent condition! Just some magical   
paste and the top and bottom halves will fit snug! Just…" and Geinenstein reached his   
hands and tapped Tomoe's head slightly, "yes, was afraid of that. One of her lobes is   
missing. It must have been my competitor, Kleinenstein!" the mad doctor ranted.   
"I'm sorry Enishi, but we cannot do the procedure without another half a brain. We   
must find a suitable donor! Come I-goh, there are other graves nearby!"  
  
"No!" Enishi commanded. "I will not let some strange brain mingle with my   
dear sister's."  
  
"Then, where will we find a donor?" Geinenstein inquired. Then his face   
brightened up. "I have just the one in mind. A woman who skewered her fiancee and   
his lover with her katana. I hear she's about to commit sepukku now; if we get there just   
in time..."  
  
"No, I have a better idea," Enishi said, "I will donate one half of my brain to the   
cause!" and with that statement, Enishi jammed his fingers into his ear and swished them   
around for a while then yanked half his brain out. "Even with half a brain I will achieve   
Jinchuu!"  
  
Dr. Geinenstein looked at the offered lobe with a morbid fascination then pointed   
out "Actually we need the left lobe, not right."  
  
"Oh, my mistake then." Enishi said as he jammed his half-brain back into the ear   
from wince it came, then jammed his fingers into his other ear and pulled out the other   
half. "This better be the right side, I'm starting to get a headache."  
  
"Oh yes!" Geinenstein said enthusiastically, "This will be perfect!"  
  
"Good. Get my dear sister ready and get that priest friend of yours. I'm going   
to take a nap." Enishi said as he walked back towards his mansion and took out his list   
once more. "GrIeVaNcE # 256: lOsT hAlF mI bRaIn".  
  
  
***  
  
Enishi awoke when one of his servants shook his shoulder. In a clean and   
practiced motion, the servant's head went flying. Enishi, now fully awake, took his list   
out once more and jotted down '#257: Made me kill my assistant, #258: got blood all   
over my clothes'. He sighed and thought that maybe any past and future incident   
involving dry cleaning and killing someone when waking up should be clumped up into   
one number, but then decided against it. As we wiped the blood off his glasses, he sat up   
and walked out into the courtyard where Geinenstein and AhStin PohWa were busily   
preparing for his dear sister's resurrection. His sister's lovely corpse sat remended by   
the magical clay wearing the burial robes that were left on it. Enishi saw no signs of   
where his half brain was put in his sister's skull, but that was for the better. He would   
not wish for his sister's delicate features to be marred by that mad scientists's methods.  
  
"Shagadelic setup, baby!" the mad priest said as he brought his strangely colored   
symbols and draped them over his sister's head. "Now all I need to do is chant while the   
groovy Doctor Geinenstein wires your shagadelic sister's body with the wires to get her   
mojo flowing once more!"  
  
Enishi grasped his fingers on the bridge of his nose, feeling the headache begin   
once more. "Just bring her back, correctly mad priest, or the next resurrection you   
perform will be your own"  
  
"Ooh, don't be a total L 7, Enishi. Just sit right there and we'll get her mojo   
going" the mad priest said. Enishi sat where instructed and watched as the mad priest   
chanted "Shagadala, ragadala" repeatedly as he made humping motions towards the   
corpse. Right when Enishi thought he was going to be sick of it, a bolt of lightning hit   
the lightning rod Dr.Geinenstein constructed, and electricity arched into his sister's body.   
With a loud gasp, her body sat up and Geinenstein cackled with a ferocity much more   
frightening than the thunder.  
  
"SHE'S ALIVE! ALIVE I TELL YOU! ALIIIIVE!" Geinenstein cackled.   
"ALI… erk" Geinenstein's ravings of success were cut short when 'Tomoe' held a knife   
against his throat.  
  
"Will you SHUT UP?" Tomoe growled angrily. Enishi got up from his sitting   
position and rushed to his sister.  
  
"Oh dear sister, it is great to have you back!" Enishi said cheerfully. "Now we   
may have our revenge against the Battousai."  
  
"Sorry, but 'dear sister' isn't here yet it seems." Said 'Tomoe' with an evil smile   
"Its just me, the other half of your brain, you loser." 'Tomoe' then grabbed her head and   
shook it slightly. In a tone much softer and monotone, she said "Enishi, what am I doing   
here?" 


	2. Chapter 2

Weekend at Tomoe's 2  
  
Chapter 2(as an hour challenge!)  
  
The new 'Tomoe', with half her deranged brother's brain, acted quite a bit more   
homicidal than the original Tomoe. She was in the habit of slicing heads of servants   
with little notice. Enishi, with half his brain left, pondered the change in his dear sister   
and came up with his usual conclusion that it was the Battousai's fault.  
  
Enishi pushed his glasses back onto the bridge of his nose at his attempt to look   
cool and attract hordes of screaming fan girls. He learned the glasses technique from a   
strange blonde haired man in a red coat, but that of course is another story. The nightly   
parties the strange priest AhStin PohWa threw every night gave him a serious migraine,   
which was intensified, by the half-empty brain cavity he now had acting like a miniature   
amphitheatre. Enishi looked at his large 'reasons for revenge' list he wrote throughout   
the years and came up with a brilliant solution to the immediate problem. He folded his   
list (which was the thickness of a Harry Potter novel) and jammed it in through his ear.  
  
Enishi, under order of his sister (most likely under the influence of half his own   
brain), wrote a copy of the revenge list for the last several nights. Enishi made a fist and   
felt a tight ache in his hand and noticed the beginning or arthritis. Writing the occasional   
(most likely daily) infraction on his life due to the Battousai was not as taxing as writing   
a couple hundred in the space of a few hours.  
  
Unluckily for the mad priest, he chose that moment to annoy Enishi. "Hey,   
Enishi! Want to help me pick up some swinging chicks, baby?" the mad priest in his   
brightly colored robes said. Enishi decided he would end the insanity of this cameo once   
and for all and unsheathed his wattou. The mad priest AhStin PohWa ran for his life and   
jumped into a strange metallic machine that sat on rubber wheels. He pressed a few   
buttons and shouted, "I'm out of this crazy fic! Going back to my own series in my   
shagadelic Pimpmobile! YEAH BABY!" and in a bright flash, both the mad priest and   
the strange vehicle disappeared.  
  
Enishi sighed in relief and turned to see Tomoe dressed in another set of his   
Chinese clothes. Enishi immediately ran and hugged his sister, the force of his charge   
knocking her top half clean off. Tomoe's upper torso muttered as she used her arms to   
reattach herself back onto her lower body. "Idiotic brother stuck half his brain in my   
skull, then his brain bathed and dressed me when I was sleeping and now he knocks me   
to pieces." Tomoe's upper torso fit snugly with a suction sound and ensured the top half   
would stay on, at least until someone gave her a strong shove again. Then she noticed   
Enishi giving her a large hug. "Hey, stop that now" Tomoe said in a monotone voice.   
"When do I get to see Himura?"  
  
Enishi smiled viciously and stated "We will start our Jinchuu against the   
Battousai tomorrow! At last we shall have our revenge! BWAHAHAHA!" Tomoe   
smacked her idiot brother in the back of the head.  
  
"I do not want to have revenge against Himura. In fact, I want to resume the   
marriage." Tomoe stated, once again monotone (she barely has other tones, people!).   
Tomoe then started to shake her head as if a migraine was coming and her expression   
changed. "Do not listen to her. The decade of death has made her delirious! Do not   
worry, other half of my brain, when the time comes, I will ensure dear sister will do her   
part!" Then she shook her head again and said in a softer tone "I will NOT hurt him, but   
I DO agree SHE has to die."  
  
"Ah yes, your 'replacement', that violent sweaty girl. She must die,   
BWAHAHAHAHA! Of course, my doctor said because of my Oedipus complex,   
whatever that is, I cannot kill 18 year old girls for some reason, so you must do it, dear   
sister!" Enishi ranted as he hugged his sister closer to himself.  
  
"How many times!" Tomoe, who started unsheathing her wattou, "DO I HAVE   
TO TELL YOU NOT TO TOUCH ME!" she screamed, decapitating him. Tomoe   
smiled at her decapitated brother and said "I can't believe I used to be in that skull,   
revealing to Enishi he killed himself. Enishi's decapitated head rolled over to where the   
revenge list was, and using his tongue slowly wrote the last entry he would make.   
'#325: Made my half brain in control of my sister's body decapitates me.' And the head   
then promptly died.   
  
Tomoe looked over at her decapitated brother's body and shouted out "Hey,   
Geinenstein! Here's a set of spare parts for you!" Geinenstein appeared immediately   
and started examining the corpse for harvestation.  
  
Enishi's half brain still had control of his elder sister's body, extremely sure she   
didn't want to witness a bloody, decapitated corpse. Geinenstein poked and prodded the   
body with minor comments. "Hmm, good muscle and bone structure," then he reached   
down, "Hmm, this is bit too small for his height"   
  
Tomoe saw where Geinenstein was reaching and screamed, outraged, "HEY,   
DON'T REACH DOWN THERE!" Geinenstein continued his examination and then   
turned to Tomoe.  
  
"I'll offer you 200 yen for the whole thing."  
  
"SOLD!" With that, Geinenstein left the mansion, towing behind him Enishi's   
decapitated body. Tomoe sat alone in the mansion, most of the wait staff dead or fled.   
After mopping up the blood and throwing the decapitated head into the compost heap,   
Enishi's half brain gave control back to Tomoe. "Tomorrow, we shall go and see   
Himura again" Tomoe said, barely able to control her excitement(although its hard to tell   
she's excited from the monotone). "But I think that Kamiya girl should die first" In her   
head, she could hear Enishi's side agreeing enthusiastically. Tomoe sat watching the   
sunset when her arms, not under her control, drifted up, palms outstretched. Tomoe   
looked down and saw her hands touching herself and said, "Stop that, dear brother."  
  
***  
  
Heh, that's Chapter 2 of the Not-So-Divine Comedy. First off, been getting a few e-  
mails and negative responses. THIS IS A PARADY! I am writing it in response to all   
the 'Tomoe shows up at the dojo' fics. It's a bad clich‚, and all this fic does is play off   
it, while being as zany as possible. First off, I DO NOT dislike Tomoe(although the   
Tomoe fans that say "Die violent girl" annoy the hell outta me), but Enishi annoys me.   
The guy's basically scum. I'd like to thank Steven "The Nightman" Cornett for being a sounding  
board/ suggestion maker. Opps, that's all I can have in the footnote! 


	3. Chapter 3

Weekend at Tomoe's 2  
  
My 'not so divine' Parody returns! As I must point you, reading Jinchuu is a plus to get   
the joke, plus reading the earlier chapters at my website!   
Http://tanukitoryuu.anifics.com/  
  
Chapter 3: "Plop Plop, Fizz Fizz"  
  
Tomoe awoke early the next morning and saw in her hands a 'To Do' list her dear   
brother's brain must have written for her during her slumber. As she glanced at the first   
item on the list, she noticed her sleeping clothes were pushed around in strange ways.   
"Well, it looks like 'dear brother' took care of the first item on his list," Tomoe mumbled   
in her usual monotone. "Enishi, there are some things on this list I think we should   
discuss, specifically the 'Killing Battousai and desecrating his corpse'. lines 10-45,"  
  
"No!" Enishi screamed as he assumed control once again, "Those are VERY   
IMPORTANT things to do today!"  
  
"What about," Tomoe asked as she regained control of her body, "We still sell   
battleships, then kill that Kamiya girl, and sleep with Kenshin?"  
  
"NEVER!"  
  
"Fine fine," Tomoe muttered, "We'll get all the way to line 9 and discuss it some   
more afterwards,"  
  
***  
  
Kamiya Kaoru was in her dojo as she practiced her kenjutsu when suddenly a   
strange woman dressed in chinese clothes bursted through the doors with a strange   
chinese sword. "Kamiya Kaoru, prepare to die!" the strange woman yelled as she lunged   
towards Kaoru.  
  
"AHHH!" Kaoru screamed in surprised as she dodged the crazy woman's slash,   
then sidestepped and whacked the woman across the shoulder with her bokken. The   
strange woman's top half flew right off her body and landed on the other side of the dojo.   
"EEEK! KENSHIN HELP!" Kaoru screamed as she examined her bokken to make sure   
it didn't mystically transform into a katana.  
  
"Just you wait, Kamiya Kaoru! I'll bite your ankles off!" the strange woman   
yelled as she started to claw forward towards Kaoru. Just then Kenshin and Yahiko   
entered the dojo.  
  
"Kaoru-dono, what's the matter?" Kenshin asked as he entered the dojo, then he   
saw both halves of Tomoe. "What the hell? Tomoe?"  
  
"Himura!" Tomoe said in a happy monotone(does one exist?) "I wish to resume   
our marriage," Tomoe's face then changed to a scowl, "And KILL YOU!"  
  
"Oro? Being dead must have messed with your mind, Tomoe," Kenshin said   
matter-of-factly. "What the heck is going on?"  
  
"I can answer that," Shinomori Aoshi answered as he entered the dojo with   
Misao. "Tomoe was brought back to life with the thanks of a mad grave robbing doctor   
and a strange priest from the future who refuses to do cameos again. But there was a   
problem with the procedure. They had to use half the brain of Tomoe's insane little   
brother. Kamiya-San, you should want to step to the side," Aoshi said as Tomoe   
reattached herself to her bottom half.  
  
Kaoru stepped to the side as Tomoe's attack sailed through the spot she once   
occupied. Kaoru then proceeded to whack off Tomoe's top half once again to the other   
side of the dojo. "Umm, thanks Aoshi. How do you know all that?"   
  
"I'm a ninja, plus I read through the story beforehand," Aoshi said with no   
expression in his ice cold eyes.  
  
"Isn't Aoshi-Sama cool?" Misao chirped.  
  
"That Violent otemba must die!" Tomoe shouted. "She's trying to replace me   
when she's a lousy cook, violent, abusive, and a crybaby!"  
  
Kaoru looked at Tomoe like she grew a second head to support her murderous   
lobe. "Me? Violent and abusive? Crybaby? Umm, maybe you are confusing me with   
her?" Kaoru said as she pointed out the dojo door to the next cameo character, a strange   
teenage japanese girl with short hair dressed in a gajin fashion.  
  
"What was that?!?!" the nameless guest star shouted as she charged Kaoru and   
whipped out what appeared to be a wooden hammer. "Eat my special mallet attack!"   
Kaoru effortlessly blocked the girl's poor strike with her bokken.  
  
"Its not a special attack, dear, it's a common anime/manga gag that's not original   
to only you," Kaoru said to the strange girl. The strange girl's weapon disappeared in a   
puff of smoke from Kaoru's words.  
  
"Uh oh," The girl said now that her weapon disappeared. Kaoru whacked the   
strange cameo guest star across the forehead with her bokken with enough force to   
propell the girl out of the dojo.  
  
"Now get out of my fic!" Kaoru shouted. "Geeze, crossover guest stars just can't   
tell when they're unwanted," Kaoru turned her head towards Tomoe's upper torso as it   
made its way back to its lower body to reattach itselt once again. "Kenshin, can you tell   
your ex-wife to behave herself when she's at my dojo?"  
  
"Alright, Kaoru-dono," Kenshin said. "Tomoe, while you stay at this dojo, you   
must not kill Kaoru-dono!"  
  
"EX-wife? What do you mean, Kenshin?" Tomoe asked, confused as she   
attached herself again.  
  
"Well, 'till death do us part', Tomoe, and you DID die, thus I am a free agent,"   
Kenshin said.  
  
"What Himura speaks is the truth!" Misao said energetically. "We researched   
such strange cases of the past lovers/girlfriends/wives coming back from the grave and   
the past relationship is considered invalid in most cases! The most interesting case   
involves a half-demon and this priestess and."  
  
"Misao, this is neither the time or the place," Aoshi said. "In any case, Misao   
and I will stay and make sure this new homicidal Tomoe will not cause anymore trouble   
for the time being,"  
  
***  
  
Wow, there's Chapter 3! Isn't that insane? How many cameos did you catch? 


	4. 4

Weekend at Tomoe's II  
  
Alright! Lets see how the adventures continue!  
  
Chapter 4- Committee of the Damned.  
  
Tomoe stopped in the Akebeko early the next morning and sat at a  
small private table while mumbling about Jinchuu. Tsubame walked over  
to Tae and asked her employer, "Tae-san, who is that strange lady and  
why does she want to give Kenshin a silver mouse?"  
  
"Oh, she must be the lady that came from the dead that Kaoru-  
chan mentioned!" Tae said happily. "I see she found the Committee of  
the not so nice people!"  
  
"The Committee of who?" Tsubame asked, confused.  
  
"Several other ladies that have a strange anti-social tendancies  
that makes them not very pleasant," Tae remarked. "Now lets serve some  
customers!"  
  
Tomoe sat down at the small table. To her left was a girl with  
blue hair and red eyes. To her right was a priestess dressed from the  
Sengoku period, and across the table was that girl dressed in a gaijin  
fashion from the earlier chapter. "I understand..." Tomoe began, "that  
you summoned me here."  
  
"That is correct," the blue haired girl answered. "If I  
understand properly, I now possess the other lobe of your brain. A mad  
scientist named Gendostien used it. He noticed no change in my  
personality thus kept it."  
  
"I see. Who are you then?" Tomoe asked the priestess.  
  
"I was a priestess that was tricked to hate my lover by an evil  
demon, and then was killed. I was brought back using my bones and  
earth. After I was brought back I sustained myself on the souls of the  
dead and became some twisted woman that wants to bring my former lover  
into hell." The priestess answered.  
  
"Understandable," Tomoe nodded. "Why do you wish to meet?"  
  
"HEY! I didn't introduce myself yet!" the rude short-haired  
girl in gaijin clothing shouted. "I'm a girl from the future that seek  
revenge against the woman who humiliated me and contaminate her  
characterization with my own!"  
  
"Alright alright!" Tomoe shouted, now under control of her evil  
brother. "So what brings us here today?"  
  
"We wish to," the bluehaired girl began before the angry girl  
from the future interrupted her.  
  
"HEEY! I'm the leader here!" the angry girl shouted. "Now we  
have to destroy that girl's crediblity! Any suggestions?"  
  
"Hey, I'm the one with authority here!" quasi-Tomoe shouted back  
under Enishi's control. "I know! I'll let my dear sister cook for  
the Battousai and lull his guard down so I can make the final strike!"  
  
"That's it?" The priestess asked, unsatisfied. "No soul  
stealers or dragging him down to hell?"  
  
"No end of humanity?" the blue haired girl asked in a monotone  
that rivaled Tomoe's.  
  
"No giant mallets and rages?" the futuristic girl added.  
"That's rather plain. Oh, I know! Get his guard down and then let US  
get to work!"  
  
***  
  
Enishi let Tomoe have control and cook Kenshin dinner. "I  
still don't wish to kill him you know," Tomoe said to her brother(and  
herself technically). "But it has been a while since I cooked."  
  
"This will be excellent," Enishi said within his new skull.  
"Just serve him." Tomoe took the food and brought it to Kenshin who  
was already eating a meal prepared by Kaoru.  
  
"Himura, why are you eating that horrid poisonous food?" Tomoe  
asked. Kaoru shot the woman a glare.  
  
"Hey, if you don't like it, just don't eat it!" Kaoru retorted.  
  
"Maa maa," Kenshin said. "Kaoru's food may not taste  
restaurant grade, but it is sustinance," Kenshin sighed and added,  
"But I will sample your cooking again, Tomoe." Kenshin took a smile  
bite out of Tomoe's rice and gagged. "Oro! An EARTHWORM?"  
  
"Ah, yes Himura! After being buried in the ground, I developed  
a taste for dirt and worms. Please do try more!" Tomoe insisted.  
  
"I'm feeling full right now!" Kenshin stuttered and ran away.  
  
"This is your fault!" Tomoe shouted at Kaoru and attacked with  
her chinese sword again. Kaoru easily dodged the strike and smacked  
Tomoe's torso off her body.  
  
Misao looked down at the upper torso of Tomoe at her feet and  
shook her head. "You really shouldn't get Kaoru-san angry. I lived  
in a restaurant/inn, I really don't know anymore... the anime says  
restaurant, the manga said inn, all my life and it should be obvious to  
not use worms in food!"  
  
"I'll have Jinchuu on you next, you weasel child!" Enishi  
shouted as he controlled his sister's vocal cords in rage. How dare  
someone insult his sister's culinary skills.  
  
"KECHO KICK!" Misao shouted as she punted Tomoe's upper torso  
into the air. "Jinchuu THAT!" the itachi-onna shouted at the sailing  
dot.  
  
"Good kick, Misao," Aoshi said as he appeared from nowhere.  
"But I fear you have sent the twisted Enishi-Tomoe combination right  
towards the Committee of the Damned."  
  
"Committee of the who?" Misao asked. "You weren't even in that  
scene!"  
  
"I have told you I read this story before, have I not?" Aoshi  
responded.  
  
***  
  
Tomoe landed in the center of the Committee. "This seems  
impossible," Tomoe remarked as she stood on her hands. "Anymore  
suggestions?"  
  
"Skewer him and his lover with a katana then bash them with a  
mallet!" the girl from the future shouted... umm, suggested.  
  
"Drag him to hell!" the priestess shouted.  
  
"Turn all of mankind into a liquid-like paste," the bluehaired  
girl added.  
  
"Hit him with a rock!" a large man with gray leathery skin  
shouted. The Committee turned and looked at the strange crocodile-like  
man. "What? Ok, hit him with a BIG rock,"  
  
***  
  
How many cameos did you catch THIS time? 


	5. Chapter 5

Weekend at Tomoe's 2  
  
A Twisted Journey nears its end. Now This Pentogy shall go full  
circle! Yes, I have Carmina Burana in the background.  
  
Chapter 5  
  
The Committee of the Damned prepared for one final assault on  
the Kamiya Dojo. Tomoe stood in the lead with the other members right  
behind her in single file... which looked strange since the girl with  
the blue hair was in a giant bio-organic mech. As the dojo got into  
sight, Enishi took over.  
  
"CHARGE!" Enishi commanded. The damned women(and one crocodile  
man) charged forward into battle. Before the battle began, the  
crocodile man got infront of the dojo's gates.  
  
"Stop this foolishness" he commanded. The crocodile man shed  
his mask to reveal he was indeed Shinimori Aoshi! "Stop this  
foolishness or natural order shall take over and your existance shall be  
at risk.  
  
The 4 women looked each eachother, their weapons(especially the  
one in the giant mech) and LAUGHED at Aoshi. "You think you stand a  
chance, unarmed, against US?" the violent girl from the future retorted.  
  
"You seem like a bug to me!" The bluehaired girl shouted from  
the loudspeaker rigged to her mech.  
  
"An arrow has a distance advantage!" the semi-undead priestess  
added.  
  
"Get out of the way, or else I'll skewer you and add you as a  
grievence!" Enishi shouted with his sister's voice. All the weapons  
were drawn and Aoshi stepped aside from the gate.  
  
"Do not say I did not warn you of what is to come..." Aoshi said  
in a dark forboding fashion. The Committee of the Damned charged  
forward for a few more meters until Kenshin opened up the gates.  
  
"Oh great, another dojo attack," Kenshin said as he rolled his  
eyes. "I wished not to do this, especially to ladies, but it seems I  
have no choice." Kenshin unsheathed his sword and made a single, slow  
swing. "Hiten Misturugi Ryuu, Automatic Proofread System," he  
announced as he sheathed his sword. The women looked at him funny then  
laughed.  
  
Kenshin grinned at their laughter and joined in as well. The  
laughter continued for a few moments until behind each cameo star a  
minature black hole formed. The energy tendrils from within grabbed  
the guest stars and slowly dragged them within.  
  
"What sorcery is this?" the priestess shouted.  
  
"That is a plothole," Kenshin answered. "By using the  
proofreading system, the author decided your existance in this story is  
a plothole, thus the anomoly shall be sucked back within to bring  
stability once more."  
  
"NO! I HAVE TO TURN HUMANITY INTO ORANGE GOO!" the girl within  
the giant mech shouted as the mech tried to claw, unsuccessfully free  
from the gravitational force of the plothole. Even the mighty force of  
the then unknown 'field' around the mech wasn't powerful enough to stop  
the sheer power of the plot hole and she too was sucked within.  
  
"THIS ISN'T FAAIR!" the girl from the future cried. "You may  
have stopped me this time, Kenshin, but I WILL Contaminate Kaoru's  
characterization!" And with that, even she was sucked within.  
Enishi/Tomoe now saw she was alone.  
  
***  
  
The mad priest AhStin PoWah returned to the Meiji Era, but far  
from the crazy woman he once saw. He was attending a party in a foreign  
country which is unknown to this author at the present time. "Ahh,  
AhStin my boy, I wish for you to meet this charming japanese exchange  
student. Her name is Kamatari,"  
  
"Oh, that's no woman," AhStin retorted as he punched Kamatari.  
"It's a MAN, baby!" As Kamatari flailed backward from the punch, his  
victorian dress rose up to confirm the mad priest's assumption. The  
crowd gasped in surprise and several of the other males Kamatari wooed  
earlier that night vomited. "This is even crazier! I'm going back to  
Japan!"  
  
***  
  
The Kenshingumi stood at the gates and waited for Tomoe to make  
the next move. "Enishi, you cannot win this, so give up and let Tomoe  
rest in peace!" Kenshin shouted.  
  
"NEVER!" Enishi shouted back. Tomoe frowned slightly and  
feared what would come next.  
  
"Very well, you leave me no choice," Kenshin stated as he  
unsheathed his sakabato and stuck it in the ground. Kenshin then  
turned to Kaoru and said, "Gee Kaoru, I never knew what I saw in that  
woman... sure she was ok a decade or so ago, but now she's psycho! I  
can understand the need to be close to family, Enishi, but this is too  
far. If this is what the two of you have become, then you are banished  
from Kaoru's land!"  
  
Enishi/Tomoe unsheathed her wattou and walked forward. "You  
think you can stop me?" she shouted as she ran towards the opened gates.  
In the instance she hit the area of the gates she bounced back. "What  
is this?" she shouted, outraged.  
  
"A barrier of good intentions. I suggest you leave," Kenshin  
said.  
  
"You can never make me leave!" Tomoe shouted. Before she  
realized what happened she was picked off her feet and shoved into the  
back of a pimpmobile.  
  
"You're the closest thing to an eligible girl in this whole  
story, luv, so you'll do!" AhStin PohWa said as he locked the doors,  
pressed a few buttons and the wheels of the pimpmobile folded up and the  
car lifted off. "I know it's a copyright infringement, but flying cars  
are the gas, baby!"  
  
The Kenshingumi watched in amazement as the flying pimpmobile  
disappeared in a flash of light. "That's it?" Yahiko asked.  
  
***  
  
YUP! No wait, we need an ending? Really? That wasn't it? Ok  
  
***  
  
The flying pimpmobile paused in the timestream mere seconds  
after entering it. "C'mon! I just fueled this thing!" AhStin shouted  
as he turned the key and the engine turned over.  
  
"Release me!" 'Tomoe shouted, tied up in the back seat.  
  
"Not on your life! You're shagadelic!" The priest answered.  
The pimpmobile refused to budge in the timestream and that's when a  
giant entity in a pimping hat showed up and grabbed the car.  
  
A strange shiny stoner on a surfboard hovered nearby and spoke  
to the two in the vehicle. "The Devower of worlds demands a moonpie!"  
  
And the whole multiverse face-faulted.  
  
***  
  
Ok, THAT'S the ending! http://www.majordamage.org/heroes.html  
holds the secret to the last joke. 


End file.
